Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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