I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she peed on how many people?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
