Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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