if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
