I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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