can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
