Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You are a genius and a whore.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
