OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
