oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
