When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
