I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
