is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
