Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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