why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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