You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
