In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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