I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
