The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
