I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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