i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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