I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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