Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
