did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
