I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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