apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
