i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
