Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
