Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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