I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
