yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
