just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
