That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
try to milk me bitch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
