We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
