marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
