sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
