whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
