the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
