I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
