this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
