Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
