I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
