I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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