I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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