12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
