Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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