can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
