Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
