I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
