How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
