Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im on a boat
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