I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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