He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize