Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
