marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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