Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize