he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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