I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
