I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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