it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
