No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
