My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
