I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize