Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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