Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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