It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
