So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
