How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize