I think I won the penis lottery.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
