I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
