That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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