I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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