watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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