We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
