remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
