I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
These tits shall not be calmed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
