God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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