Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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