i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
