"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
